Encyclopedia Brown Hates New Super Mario Bros.
And while I'm railing against beloved Nintendo DS games, I really don't like New Super Mario Bros. very much either, a game recommended to me not only by Kotaku-staffers of questionable taste like Ashcraft and Crecente, but proclaimed a "solid 7" by none other than 1UP's Luke "I Hate Everything" Smith. Diametrically inflated according to the withered circumference of Smith's own black, ichorous heart, that's like a solid 11 by any other measure.
As I complained to him on IM today:
Florian Eckhardt: New Super Mario Brothers. Solid 7 my ASS. luke at 1up: 5? Florian Eckhardt: It's no SMB3. luke at 1up: what fucking mystery will you solve next Encyclopedia Brown?
BURNED. I admit it. But New Super Mario Bros. is just the same Mario formula, programmed and designed with mathematical cynicism. It's phoned in. It is completely devoid of charm or personality: it's the Mario formula taken to the point of grating cliche. The funny thing to me is how much more personality the game would have with Paper Mario (or Mario & Luigi) style art direction. Because, outside of the 3D polygon stuff, what does this game do that Super Mario Bros. 3 didn't do better 10 years ago?
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